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Lifestyles of the Shady and Homeless



Lifestyles of the Shady and Homeless


Morning comes early for young Phil, who wakes up at dawn every day to start his angry begging. Phil gets lots of things in his begging cup. Quarters, dimes, pennies, plane tickets, and shampoo samples are some of the things you may find. In a recent interview, Phil explained how he sets small goals for himself, first were some shoes, then a new wig, then a wicker chair which he now proudly calls home. As unbelievable as it may sound, Phil has a girlfriend. Silvia, who owns an underwear factory on Death Mountain, claims that she often dates Phil. She said that aside from him stealing her pocketbook on every date, Phil is quite a gentleman. So if someone were to look at Phil, they would see a dirty, stupid old man, but we’ll let you decide if that’s true.


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Analysis: Getting Out of Traffic

Published by in Others on January 1st, 2012





You walk into oncoming traffic by accident, how do you get back safely!?


A. Wait patiently in the middle of street until traffic stops, then walk to the other side of the road.


B. Pitch out an umbrella and pretend to be a professional Croquet player.


C. Start doing gymnastics, hoping to make people move out of your way.


D. Read a Harry Potter book and be whisked away into Hogwarts, where all your dreams come true!


The answer is:


B. March back and forth carrying a sign that says “Heck no, we won’t go.”


People will see the sign and immediately realize that heck, you’re not going! They’ll gladly stop and let you by.

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Belch in Britain Pt. 2

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series Belch in Britain



Belch in Britain (cont.)


Large Man: Who are you calling big?


Belch: Oh I’m sorry, hello Mr. Ben.


Large Man: You will address me as Packett.


Belch: Ok, where would you like to be sent?


Packett: You’re coming with me.


Packett leads Belch into an alleyway where a few rough looking men stand smugly.


Belch: Is this the chess club?


Packett: You’re one of us now. You will obey my every command.


Belch: Sounds like a pretty boring chess game…


Packett: Listen! You go over to Hazel’s Milk and Drug store and fetch us some pills.


Belch: Alright, what name is the prescription under?


Packett: It’s not a prescription! And you’re not going to pay.


Belch: Ooooh. I got you, I got you.



(To be continued)

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