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Dr. Bill’s Health Tips: Firing a Torch

 

Dr. Bill’s Health Tips

 

Studies have shown that 99% of people that fire a torch at themselves get burned. I must warn you that if you plan to do anything that involves burning yourself, do it with extreme caution. Hurting yourself on purpose is funny, but doing it by accident is no laughing matter. So next time your eye is gouged out by a pencil, make sure you did it on purpose. If you fail to do so, take three corn chips and call me if you wake up.

 

Doctor’s orders!

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Dr. Bill’s Health Tips: Being a Pilot

 

 

Dr. Bill’s Health Tips

 

Being a pilot isn’t a profession that I would encourage. There’s lots of bugs up there and what if one was to lodge itself in your nostril? Don’t come knockin on my door sister, cause these boots ain’t gonna talk! Mailman, however, is a very honorable occupation and will do good for the people. There are certain dangers however such as tall grass, sharp newspaper corners, and the red flag on the mailbox! If injured take 7 shots of adrenaline and rest in an extremely cold enviroment such as a meat locker or a freezer.

 

Doctor’s orders!

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Dr. Bill’s Health Tips: The Flu

 

 

Dr. Bill’s Health Tips

 

Trying to get rid of the flu? Extensive research reveals that running thirty miles a day will rid your body of this nasty illness in just a matter of months. This time can be shortened even further by carrying a full golf bag on your back as you run. Doing this will reduce recovery time by up to twenty minutes! If this method doesn’t work, drink a two liter bottle of juiced okra and call me in the morning. If my secretary tells you I don’t wish to speak to you, don’t worry about calling back.

 

Doctor’s orders!

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