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Quotes: Ace Reporter

Published by in Quotes on March 6th, 2012

 

Quotes

 

“I’m a very very busy ace reporter that’s always on the lookout for a new scoop! Also, I get my daily exercise by jumping on the couch for an hour and it’s getting about that time!”

- Belch Smith 

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Quotes: Word of Advice

Published by in Quotes on March 5th, 2012

 

Quotes

 

“My only word of advice here is if BoB’s in the bath tub you should hit the road, the places he wants you to scrub are simply unreachable!”

- Belch Smith 

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Quotes: Use Your Help

 

Quotes

 

“Were you followed? Good. Look, I can use your help! I would do it myself but I’m busy making Jiffy Pop. It’s as much fun to make as it is to eat!”

- Belch Smith 

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Belch in Britain Pt. 1

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Belch in Britain

 

 BELCH IN BRITAIN



Belch Smith, courageous news reporter, awakens in front of a large clock.

 

Belch: Ugh…guh… Where am I? The last thing I remember doing is questioning that angry donkey about the missing tablecloth for that scoop! But why am I telling myself this? I know already.

 

Belch begins to wonder across the street, paying no mind to the cars that are skidding and wrecking to avoid hitting him. After three minutes, he makes it across.

 

Belch: Hey! That lady has a rebel flag on her pocketbook! I bet she’s one of those good ol’ boys from the south I’ve always heard about!

 

Belch approaches the young woman.

 

Belch: Howdy, ya’ll! Get her done! I was wonder if you could let me borrow your pickup truck to get back to the good ol US of A, where dreams come true and if you don’t live in Los Angeles, you live to see the next day.

 

Lady: Excuse me? I don’t have a truck, and what is “howdy”?

 

Belch: Oh so you’re a sophisticated hick! Yes, that makes sense, you’re not wearing a potato sack today. I guess it’s Sunday.

 

Lady: What? You’re not from around here, are you? You might want to bugger off to Big Ben.

 

Belch: Big Ben? Yes, yes…Only Big Ben will know how to get me home.

 

Belch travels over the sidewalk a little longer and stops in front of a large man in a leather jacket.

 

Belch: Big Ben? Is it really you?

 

TO BE CONTINUED

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Lifestyles of the Shady and Homeless

 

 

Lifestyles of the Shady and Homeless

 

Morning comes early for young Phil, who wakes up at dawn every day to start his angry begging. Phil gets lots of things in his begging cup. Quarters, dimes, pennies, plane tickets, and shampoo samples are some of the things you may find. In a recent interview, Phil explained how he sets small goals for himself, first were some shoes, then a new wig, then a wicker chair which he now proudly calls home. As unbelievable as it may sound, Phil has a girlfriend. Silvia, who owns an underwear factory on Death Mountain, claims that she often dates Phil. She said that aside from him stealing her pocketbook on every date, Phil is quite a gentleman. So if someone were to look at Phil, they would see a dirty, stupid old man, but we’ll let you decide if that’s true.

THE END

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Belch in Britain Pt. 2

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series Belch in Britain

 

 

Belch in Britain (cont.)

 

Large Man: Who are you calling big?

 

Belch: Oh I’m sorry, hello Mr. Ben.

 

Large Man: You will address me as Packett.

 

Belch: Ok, where would you like to be sent?

 

Packett: You’re coming with me.

 

Packett leads Belch into an alleyway where a few rough looking men stand smugly.

 

Belch: Is this the chess club?

 

Packett: You’re one of us now. You will obey my every command.

 

Belch: Sounds like a pretty boring chess game…

 

Packett: Listen! You go over to Hazel’s Milk and Drug store and fetch us some pills.

 

Belch: Alright, what name is the prescription under?

 

Packett: It’s not a prescription! And you’re not going to pay.

 

Belch: Ooooh. I got you, I got you.

 

 

(To be continued)

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