Pleasant Corner
Combover Carl: Welcome to Pleasant Corner, where the Half Bean Soup is half off!
Customer: Half Bean Soup? What’s in that?
Carl: Well one half has beans.The other half is only half beans.
Customer: What’s the other half of that half?
Carl: It’s half corn.
Customer: Argh.. What about the other half?
Carl: That’s the special part. It’s half corn and beans!
Customer: Alright! I think I changed my mind! (starts to leave)
Carl: Half a good day!
Customer: Ahhh!
THE END
Print out this pattern, carve the outlines and have me in your house for Halloween! (Click on picture for full size)
With any luck, it’ll look like this!
Happy carving!
Confessions
This one time I was minding my own business when I suddenly got abducted! They did invasive experiments on my body for a whole hour! I’m never going back to that doctor.
THE END
The Jokebook
Why was the man wearing a pot?
Cause the cookie sheet was in the oven!
Ace & John
John: Man, I have had the worst d-
Ace: That’s nice, simpleton. But before you go on your primitive tirade, let me tell you about a real problem! You see, I’ve been trying to get ahead at the office lately. I know what you’re thinking, “Ace, you’re already at the top!”
John: Actually I was think-
Ace: Yeah, right. The trouble is that Dan, the second assistant to the senior manager in charge of marketing, has been competing for the same position! I’m looking for a way to really trounce him. What is your suggestion?
John: Uh well why don’t you give your boss a gif-
Ace: I’ve got it! I’ve been kissing the boss’s butt in the entirely wrong way! I’ll get him a gift! Something that screams “I’m only pretending to like you so you’ll promote me!”
John: How about a bowling ball?
Ace: Your head is a bowling ball!
John: But I was just trying to he-
Ace: Shut up, bowling ball head! Now, I don’t actually want to buy my boss anything. I mean, I can’t afford to at a lousy fifty grand a year! Let’s see… A tie? No, too generic. Cologne? Nah, he stinks enough already..
John: How about a bowling ball?
Ace: I’ve got it!
(The next day at the office)
Ace’s boss: It’s so nice of you to give me a gift! Let’s see what we’ve got..
(He opens the box to reveal John)
John: Wanna go bowling?
